An Excerpt from Hardy Potter's diaries

(Hardy's adventures so far- episode 1, episode 2, episode 3)

So here we are, Trichy, India. I had a rough time in the bus to NIT, and somehow, I feel that it's going to get more hostile. Nancy is drpping with sweat, and that's washed away all her makeup. She looks like Emma Watson now, yeuch.

Anyhu, we entered the gates together, only to be stopped by a strange khakhi clad man with a huge potbelly and a bigger moustache. He looks at us and asks, "Thambi, which year? Which state? Which hostel?"

I looked at Nancy, alarmed. She nodded assuredly at me and started speaking, "Sir, the year is 2008, we're from California, and we don't live here. We just came to investigate the possible extinction of humankind." She gave him one of her 'thankyou' smiles.

The man did not understand a word. He just stood there and looked at us. More at Nancy than me. I was considering punching the guy in the face and running, when someone behind me spoke.

"Is there a problem?"

It was a tall guy sporting a t-shirt that had weird figures on it and a caption which said "Something, somewhere went terribly wrong". He seemed to be our age.

"Yeah! This guy won't let us in. He doesn't understand what we're saying," I said.

"I'll speak to him," he replied, and turning to the weird man, he said something in the same loud, nasal dialect that we had heard so much ever since we reached here.

"He says ok. Let's go."

"Thanks!" said Nancy.

"You're welcome!" he said, blushing slightly. What is it with Indian men and blond chicks?

"Let's catch an ice cream while we talk, shall we?" he suggested.

"Sure," I said.

So he led us about a kilometre into the wasteland, where a group of shabby shops had sprung up, not unlike an oasis. There was an ice cream place there, and I was amazed at how they got a huge bull to guard it. But then I remembered, hey, these buggers worship them. Probably returning the favour. We walked in and sat down.

"You guys didn't introduce yourselves, I'm Siddharth Mahesh, but my friends call me Mapute, or just Mapu."

We mumbled introductions, but I was curious about his nickname, and I asked him.

"Oh! It's a long story. But it has a nice tribal zing to it, doesn't it? Anyway, let's order."

We walked up to the counter and saw the menu. Very imaginative spelling. They somehow seemed to convey that they were special, not like any other ordinary ice cream place.

So we had our ice creams, and Mapute paid for us, despite my protests.

"Hey," he said, "I'm an NRI! Let me do my job!"

I didn't know if that was National Resources Institute or Negative Refractive Index, but neither seemed to make sense. I didn't enquire.

...to be continued.

Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of Mysteries-Episode 3

Click for episode 1, episode 2.

Our teen super sleuths now landed in the strange faraway land of Trichy in their two seater supersonic jet. Potter opened the door, and the two spoke simultaneously,

"What heat, we'll get fried!"

"What stench, we'll probably die!"

And so started their sojourn in Trichy.

Now they had picked a random spot to land their aircraft, which turned out to be near the central bus stand at Trichy. They got out of the plane, an noticed a huge congregation of people of all shapes, sizes, colours and ages staring at them and speaking with each other in a loud voice in what seemed to be an almost completely nasal dialect. Bewildered, they walked towards the first person they saw, a short, stout man clad in an bright orange shirt and a very long waistcloth with a flowery pattern printed on it.

"How can we get to NIT, Trichy?", asked Carpenter.

The man looked at her, with a dumbfounded expression, screamed out "Enna, enna ithu? Paithyam, paithyam!" and ran away.

Two more people they talked to reacted in a similar fashion, so they gave it up. But as luck would have it, they spotted a bus with NIT written on it, numbered 128.

"Hey!", said Potter, "Let's get on than one!"

"Ooh! What an awesome sixth sense you have!"

"Awww, it was nothing!"

Everyone in the bus stand had to close their eyes for a while- two buses collided with each other and two hundred people were badly injured. The government was blamed, and a movie star, affectionately called 'chinna thala(small head)' by the people rose to power.

"Let's get going then,"said Potter.

There wasn't place to sit, even to place their feet properly, and they struggled for half an hour. Finally, a woman did get down, and Potter jumped and grabbed the seat. His muscles were only relaxing when he saw everyone in the bus staring at him suspiciously. The conversation of two men standing nearby, translated to English, is as follows:

"The nerve of that guy, sitting next to a woman in public transport."

"Yeah man. Who does that? Don't they know that only married couples are allowed to sit next to each other?"

"Of course! That's how we have kids right?"

"Of course man! Who'll pay for the Doctor now? And of course he'll have to marry her."

"Of course, that's the decent thing."

Now, the conductor was yelling "REC, REC, NIT!!"

"I think we get off here," said Carpenter.

"Oh! Ok then." Potter smiled and nodded to the woman next to him. She looked at him, terrified. Bewildered, Potter got out of the bus with Carpenter.

The two men who were conversing earlier broke into an angry dialogue:

"Man, we have to report him to the police!"

"Right! The guy took advantage of an innocent woman and abandoned her!"

The bus sped off, and Potter and Carpenter were stood before the gates of NIT, Trichy, unsure of what dangers would come their way inside.

Will the heroes find Lord Nag inside? Or will this journey be nothing more than a wild goose chase? Find out on the next episode of Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of Mysteries!

Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of Mysteries- Episode Two

If you missed episode 1, click here.

"So, what do we do now?", asked Potter.

"It's time to open the box", was Carpenter's reply.

"No! Not the box!"

"Yes! He would've saved it for such a calamity."

Now, as we saw in the last episode, their mentor, Dr. Bumblewindow had died. He had left them a strongbox, which said, as usual, "Do not open!"

"If you say so. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Cautiously, they approached the box. It was a large wooden crate with no latch, secured by rope tied around it.

"Well go ahead, open it, what are you waiting for?", asked Potter.

"Duh! I'm a lady. You open it!"

"Duh! You're my sidekick and you do what you're told, now open it."

"I help his solve mysteries and this is what I get. I'll start my own agency after this."

"Bullcrap. You can't live without me."

Crackle.... Reception lost for a while

"Ok. where were we? Ah, yes the box. Open it."

Carpenter undid the knot and opened the box. They found nothing but a single envelope inside.

"That's strange. Such a big box for just an envelope?", asked a puzzled Carpenter.

"Where are your sleuthing brains? The larger the box, the tougher it is to steal. So whatever's inside must be really valuable."

"You're so clever!"

Crackle... crackle...

"All righty then. Oops, almost forgot about the envelope. Wonder what's inside..."

"I'll take out my trusty letter open from my trusty kitbag."

"And kids," said Potter, staring at the camera, "that's why you should have a super hot sidekick with a trusty kitbag!"

Carpenter tore open the envelope and exracted a single A4 sized paper out of it. She read it once, and then, bewildered, passed it to Potter.

Potter stared at the paper with furrowed eyebrows. "What could this possibly mean?".

It was Carpenter's turn to explain a few things now. "I draw the following conclusions from this:

1. It is clearly originally from a computer lab, where people where asked to keep quiet.
2. The appaling grammar and the use of the rupee currency clearly proves that the author is from India, and most probably from the state of Tamil Nadu.
3. And of course it is in a college, which can be inferred from the statement "trouble maker account will be disabled and fine Rs.500".
4. Now, there are only two colleges in Tamil Nadu where the notices are printed in english, or at least they call it that.
5. We can safely rule out the first one as there are only geeks and freaks there. So that narrows it down to one college in Tamil Nadu, India- NIT, Trichy.
6. So we have to head to NIT, Trichy to locate Lord Nag."

"You never fail to amaze me!", said Potter.

Crackle... crackle...

So what do our super sleuths find lurking in the wasteland of Trichy? Will they find Lord Nag or is this all a big joke? Find out on the next episode of Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of Mysteries!

Arbit

Little Kenny thinks a penny
Is too steep for these lines.
I tell him sonny, don't be funny,
Or I'll stop being nice.
"You're really bad, I'll tell my dad!",
The imp, he says to me.
"Run home and tell, I'll show him hell!",
I yell defiantly.
So the yellow laddie gets his daddy
To throw a punch or two.
But the stupid git just couldn't hit,
He didn't have a clue.
One punch I threw, it went straight through,
And hit his solar plexus.
He fell to the ground, victory I'd found.
Then I went home in the next bus.

P.S. And hey, check out the cool Simpsonmaker widget right at the bottom of the page, and also the wordfinder widget. Nice huh?

Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of mysteries!- Episode 1

"Guitar string.... number 5.... Karuna Musicians... world... end... die... aaaaargh...." were Dr. Bumblewindow's final words.

Teen super sleuth Hardy Potter and his faithful sidekick Nancy Carpenter stood by him and watched him die. It was a painful moment for both of them. Dr. Bumblewindow was like a father to them. Like all other fictitious teen heroes, Potter and Carpenter were orphaned at the age of two, when their parents were dismembered and disemboweled right before their eyes by the evil villain Lord Nag. Bumblewindow took under his wing and nursed them. He watched them grow from toddlers to brave, adventurous teenage sex symbols, with considerable pride.

But now, our teen heroes did not have time to mourn their saviour's passing. They had to save the world from Lord Nag's evil scheme. And Bumblewindow's cryptic clues didn't make sense either, until Nancy suggested, "Hey Hardy, I have Karuna Guitar String Number five in my trusty kitbag!"

"Excellent!", replies Potter, and adds, staring into the camera, "And kids, that's why you need a super hot sidekick with a trusty kitbag."

Carpenter turns pink and gives Potter a loving punch. (The rest of this scene is cut out in theatres, for the general public, but can be caught on youtube, at least till before they remove it, or on rapidshare.)

Our exhausted young detectives now try to fathom the Doctor's clue. "Hmm... I wonder... aaah!", says Potter.

"Are you onto something?", enquires Carpenter.

"Not yet, but maybe looking up 'immitation' in Sleuthing For Dummies may help."

"Good idea. You're so clever!" (try Youtube or Rapidshare again.)

The next morning, Potter is at the breakfast table with his newspaper and his cereal, and Carpenter makes her entry.

"I just borrowed Sleuthing for Dummies from Holmes and Watson next door", she said.

"Such a cute couple they make, don't they?"

"Yeah. And they're strangely indifferent towards Brokeback Mountain."

"I know. Watson says it doesn't have enough... umm... passion. He pored through Youtube for weeks, and then through innumerable blogs searching for rapidshare links, but couldn't find one, you see, for the missing links."

"Oh... I see. But hey, look up that word now."

"Oh yes, the word... hmmm, aaah! Here it is."

Immitation- from "imminent" and "castration", meaning imminent castration. Will lead to the destruction of male population, ergo eventual extinction of humankind.

"Oh no!", cried Potter. "We're done for this time. Nag will destroy us!"

Carpenter, however, had a determined expression on her face. "Not yet, Hardy. Not while we're there to ruin his plans of world conquest."

Will Lord Nag succeed in immitating the world? Or will our superheroes be able to, once again, foil his evil scheme? Find out on the next episode of "Potter and Carpenter, and the Mystery of mysteries!"