Showing posts with label trichy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trichy. Show all posts

An Excerpt from Hardy Potter's diaries

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(Hardy's adventures so far- episode 1, episode 2, episode 3)


So here we are, Trichy, India. I had a rough time in the bus to NIT, and somehow, I feel that it's going to get more hostile. Nancy is drpping with sweat, and that's washed away all her makeup. She looks like Emma Watson now, yeuch.

Anyhu, we entered the gates together, only to be stopped by a strange khakhi clad man with a huge potbelly and a bigger moustache. He looks at us and asks, "Thambi, which year? Which state? Which hostel?"

I looked at Nancy, alarmed. She nodded assuredly at me and started speaking, "Sir, the year is 2008, we're from California, and we don't live here. We just came to investigate the possible extinction of humankind." She gave him one of her 'thankyou' smiles.

The man did not understand a word. He just stood there and looked at us. More at Nancy than me. I was considering punching the guy in the face and running, when someone behind me spoke.

"Is there a problem?"

It was a tall guy sporting a t-shirt that had weird figures on it and a caption which said "Something, somewhere went terribly wrong". He seemed to be our age.

"Yeah! This guy won't let us in. He doesn't understand what we're saying," I said.

"I'll speak to him," he replied, and turning to the weird man, he said something in the same loud, nasal dialect that we had heard so much ever since we reached here.

"He says ok. Let's go."

"Thanks!" said Nancy.

"You're welcome!" he said, blushing slightly. What is it with Indian men and blond chicks?

"Let's catch an ice cream while we talk, shall we?" he suggested.

"Sure," I said.

So he led us about a kilometre into the wasteland, where a group of shabby shops had sprung up, not unlike an oasis. There was an ice cream place there, and I was amazed at how they got a huge bull to guard it. But then I remembered, hey, these buggers worship them. Probably returning the favour. We walked in and sat down.

"You guys didn't introduce yourselves, I'm Siddharth Mahesh, but my friends call me Mapute, or just Mapu."

We mumbled introductions, but I was curious about his nickname, and I asked him.

"Oh! It's a long story. But it has a nice tribal zing to it, doesn't it? Anyway, let's order."

We walked up to the counter and saw the menu. Very imaginative spelling. They somehow seemed to convey that they were special, not like any other ordinary ice cream place.



So we had our ice creams, and Mapute paid for us, despite my protests.

"Hey," he said, "I'm an NRI! Let me do my job!"

I didn't know if that was National Resources Institute or Negative Refractive Index, but neither seemed to make sense. I didn't enquire.

...to be continued.

Well here we are...

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Where am I? What is this place? Why are all these people here? How do they live their entire lives in this God-forsaken hellhole? Are they superhuman? The next step in human evolution? Or are their olfactory nerves severed when they are born? How else can they bear the unbearable Trichy odour? And how do they live right in the center of the same mind-numbing stench? So many questions, so little answers...
These and other thoughts ran through my mind as I sat on a bus to Chatram bus stand. I was going to buy textbooks. A harmless expedition. I tried to guess where we were by the stench outside. Thiruverumbur has sort of the smell of a thousand people who have never seen a deo in their lives, a very strong BO. As you go further, the stench changes to resemble a hundred year old compost pit in a state of pure putrefaction, highly toxic, hell, captain planet would've given up. And when this stench ends, you know you've reached the bus stand. And oh, yes, the bus stand. You would think that people forgot to build toilets in their houses- nature calls all of them to the bus stand, and they leave their offerings to mother earth in a puddle that could've made Noah anxious.
Oh, and where were we? Yes, I'm on the bus, when a couple of women board carrying four huge bags filled with vegetables and the like. They walk straight at me and hand me one bag and say something in rapid tamil. I nodded and smiled and held on to the bag. A few moments later:

Woman 1: "mani enna thambi?"(what's the time, little brother?)
me: "Six Forty Five."
Woman one: "enna six fofofof vaaa? enna thambi? ha ha haaa..."
Woman 2: "ha ha ha...."
Man in the seat behind me: "ha ha ha..."
Man in the seat in front of me: "ha ha ha..."
Conductor: "ha ha ha..."

In short, practically the whole bus went mad with laughter when I told the woman the time.
Well, I am not trying, now, to give an explanation for this, this phenomenon. I just thought it would be good that all of you know now that when asked the time on a bus in Trichy, just smile and nod. And if you have an explanation, email it to me at kc.hcyke@gmail.com.
Hell, where am I?

You know you've been Trichy-fied when...

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1. You give a flower sporting, saree-clad specimen another look.

2. You concentrate hard on the conversation two fat guys in lungis are having in the seat behind you.

3. Your eyes search for a sambar-rasam-sadam combination on any menu card.

4. You experience the urge to communicate in a strange new language.(Research has shown that this is a unique combination of Tamil, English, Hindi, Malayalam and also Japanese. Research has also shown that NITT grads have inadvertently mastered the language).

5. You think 'da' means 'full-stop' daaa

6.You eat a 'pizza' at icy.

7. You listen to 'Nethu Rathiri' blaring out of 'Bose' Speakers in the local bus. And enjoy.

8. You travel to chennai more often than you take a bath.

9. Body parts other than your mouth and your eyes start watering after a sumtuous pongal-vada breakfast.

10.Your resume reads bovinology as an area of special interest.

11. you can name 25 types of chutneys. And tell with proper reasons which tastes best with dosas.

12. You think that the world is divided into 'annas' and 'akkas' with the ocassional 'thambi' in between.

13.You pulverize anyone who refers to 'ettukal poochi manidhan as spiderman.

14 All your friends are called GMC, BBC, VH1, VH2, DVD and WTC.

15. You think that Baskin Robbins is a living person.


-Perv and Ulti Khopdi.